Top 10 Things People Say & Do in Labor

Suggestions for supporting your birth giver

You’ve read about it. You’ve talked about it. You’re totally prepared for it… right? Until it actually happens, no one can be totally ready for what they will feel, say, and do during childbirth… especially when it gets to transition.  


Transition, the shortest of the three phases of the first stage of labor, is the most intense as well as the most physically and emotionally demanding phase. For those that have been planning an unmedicated childbirth, it is also a time when many experience some wavering self-confidence about their ability to continue. The good news is that since transition is the shortest phase, when you finally get to it, it’s almost time to meet your baby!

It is easy to get overwhelmed when your loved one is in pain or having second thoughts about their birth plan. Not to say, of course, that a birth giver shouldn’t have that right. There is a great chapter in the book The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin that describes this very phenomenon and suggests reviewing the “Pain Medications Preference Scale” and discussing the use of a code word before going into labor. I highly recommend this book as part of your childbirth preparation.  

The following is a list of the top ten things I have discovered to be very common among people working through labor, especially if they are doing it without pharmacological pain medication! If you have experienced or assisted someone through labor, you might remember these moments with a chuckle. If you are about to embark on an unmedicated birth, either personally or part of the labor support team, my hope in writing this list is to reassure you that these very thoughts, feelings, and actions are NORMAL.

10) “I don’t know how much longer I can do this!”

Midwives are used to hearing this phrase typically as a birth giver begins the transition phase.  When you hear it, know that reminding your loved one of how much progress they have made and how little they have left to go will probably help them to cope.  Many birth givers mistakenly feel that if their labor took hours and hours to get to this point that it will take a comparable amount of time to get to the second (or pushing) stage.  This is generally NOT the case as often when you feel like you can’t go on anymore, you are in fact, almost done!

9) “I’m done!”

Wanting to give up and just have it be over with is also a common desire of someone going through labor. It may be helpful to remind them that the pain they are in right now does not feel as bad as holding their baby will feel good!

8) Throw Up/Burp Frequently

Vomiting is a common sign of the transition phase, whether or not a person has been eating throughout early labor. Some labor coaches find this hard to handle. Think of it as a way of ‘making more room’ for the baby. If something was rhythmically squeezing your insides, you would probably throw up too! And let’s be honest, with a new baby around, you are bound to see a lot more throw up! Since vomiting, like holding your breath or making a bowel movement, is a vagal response, it inadvertently helps your cervix dilate and hence is a great sign, according to your midwife! The body does awesome things to help the process along!

7) “No really, I have to poop!”

As the baby descends further into the pelvis with each contraction, the pressure on the rectum becomes incredibly intense. So intense, in fact, that it feels exactly like the need to have a bowel movement. If a person in labor feels rectal pressure “like they have to poop,” it’s generally a good idea to let your midwife know before you get up to sit on the toilet! That way, if the baby starts to come, we at least have time to put some gloves on!

6) Shiver/Tremble

The hormonal rush a person experiences during labor, especially physiological labor, is intense. These hormones will often cause the birth giver to shiver as they approach full dilation. This shivering, in fact, can continue for at least an hour postpartum, even after a cesarean section or epidural birth. Many partners and family members try to pack the birth giver with blankets thinking they must be cold, only to find that the birth giver insists on not only ripping off the blankets, but sometimes even their clothes!

5) “Can’t you just take the baby out of me!?”

Even the most level-headed, experienced birth giver can sometimes feel so out of control that they beg for an epidural or a c-section. Trying to rationalize with them is not going to make it better. It might be helpful to gently remind them that they are safe, that they are almost done and that anything they can do to regain control of their breathing is helping the baby.

4) Cry

Midwives know that the emotional release that comes with crying is a normal and even helpful part of labor for many people. Though your heart might break and you might wish you could trade places, if even for a moment, it’s all part of the process. After all, labor and birth are profoundly transformative life experiences!

3) “Don’t touch me there/like that!”

Many birth partners are hurt to discover that the techniques that were working wonders in early labor only make their loved one upset and annoyed during transition. In my experience, one major culprit is rubbing their belly! (I know, I know…all the Hollywood movies show the support person rubbing the belly as the birth giver moans through their contractions. Looks loving and almost romantic right? WRONG! At least during transition.) To all the well-intentioned birth coaches out there, my humble advice to you is this: unless they ask, don’t rub their belly… seriously, don’t! Also, remember that a person in labor generally does not have any extra energy to worry about how they are giving feedback. Don’t take their tone personally!

2) Ignore You

Blocking out what is happening around you is a fantastic coping mechanism for labor! People often struggle to know what they want during transition. They feel out of control and utterly uncomfortable in every way. So when you ask them if they want a sip of water or a cool cloth on their forehead or to change position what do they do? They ignore you! That’s because they are in ‘Labor Land,’ a healthy dissociative, almost hypnotic state of mind where the birth giver is concentrating on coping with labor so intently, that the world around them is a blur. My humble advice is to just do what you think will help and they will tell you otherwise if it is not working.  Many birth givers can only talk in one word responses at this point anyways: “No!” “Stop!” “Drink!” “Stronger!” “Softer!” “Oww!” So just hold the straw up to their face; they will sip if they want to!

1) “This is the last/only time I am going to do this! No more babies for me!”

If every midwife was given a dollar for each time they heard a person in labor say this, we could fund universal health care single-handedly! This comment makes me chuckle every time I hear it. Especially since I said it three times myself, and I have three kids! Nature has a way of helping us forget the toughest parts of labor. But what a birth giver will always remember is how well loved and supported they felt during the whole process. And that is pretty special. Believe it or not I’ve even heard birth givers exclaim, “I want to do that again!” After all, the reward at the end is priceless!